“BRING ME DINNER!” 10 of Hugh Laurie’s funniest quotes

There is something to be said about the old adage, “laughter is the best medicine”. How wonderful is it when you feel down in the heap and something you see or hear makes you laugh uncontrollably? It’s a liberating feeling made all the better when it is a good friend who’s making you temporarily forget your troubles.

So what do you do when you realize that all your friends SUCK?! Well, we still have our beloved celebrities we can turn to in our time of woes.

A few months ago, I took it upon myself to start a Facebook fan page for one of my all time favorite performers, Hugh Laurie. I decided to tie the group to this blog by having a section devoted to articles written about him. The new section will be titled “W.W.o.H.L”, the initials for “The Wonderous World of Hugh Laurie” since I’m lazy and don’t always want to write so much (its so much WOOOOOOOOORK, lol).

I’m also having fun with Photoshop, so this article won’t be an article as much as it will be a bunch of cool pictures I worked hard on using ten of Hugh’s funniest quotes. He never fails to make me smile or laugh uproariously and I hope you agree with me by the end, which I’m sure you will. Enjoy my newest blog post my fellow “Hughmaniacs” as well as my incredible “Insomniacs”.

The Curious Insomniac is back home!!!

 

 

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#10. Come on, really, how much can you REALLY bench press? Don’t lie!

 

           

 

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#9. Okay, so how tiny is this damn camel???

 

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#8….And the crew from “HOUSE” were neither seen nor heard from again….

 

 

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#7. If Californians knew how to read backwards, they may not appreciate “Spray Man” as much as they used to.

 

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#6. I would rather enjoy hearing this tale of how you end up in a wheelchair from falling off a bike as a TEENAGER!!!

 

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#5. You also need to remember the 500 page addendums that come out every 10 years.

 

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#4. I will follow you to any and every drinking party you can get me in! This is a drinking GOD!

 

 

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#3. BRING HIM HIS DINNER JEEVES! Get your act together!

                                                                                             

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#2. Dolce & Gabbana are currently working on their new line of speech swag.

                                                                                                   

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#1. And if all else fails….HAWAIIAN SHIRTS BABY!

Moral of the story is that laughing should be a world sport. There’s NOTHING a good guffaw can’t fix and you need to find that laughter where you can. Hugh, never stop being you.  

Members of WWoHL and my Insomniacs, I hope you enjoyed this 1st article for the dedicated section. Please leave me a comment and share any articles you enjoy with others. Those actions are what keep my blog popular.

Follow The Curious Insomniac’s Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/thecuriousinsomniac

Also, follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/insomniatic1978

My crazy ass is even on Instagram: http://www.instagram/thecuriousinsomniac

If  you’d like to check out The Wonderous World of Hugh Laurie for yourself, the group is in “secret mode”, so find me on Facebook as PrettyRican, send a friend request and remind me that you want to be in the group.

As always, thanks for making it with me this far my fellow Insomniacs! Hope to meet new ones soon!

REMEMBER TO LIKE AND SHARE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                               

5 disturbing websites from the deep web

*To all my readers:

This article contains sickening details about real people. If you scare or get sick easily, maybe you shouldn’t  read any further. Please do not try to venture into the darkness, but if you do, be careful and please know what you’re doing. Also, be warned that you will probably see some disturbing images and read some sick things. If after you read this, you would like to see more, let me know.

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When we normal folk go online, it’s usually to check our social media accounts and look at pictures of cute cats. The majority of us assume that the internet we see on a daily basis is all there is to explore.

 

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“Awwwwww, looky the cute kitty playing with that toy”!

 

 

The majority of us would be wrong.

 

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“Wait, what is that guy doing with the chainsaw? Kitty, NOOOOOO”!!!

 

What we’re seeing on a daily basis is what is called “the surface web”, these are all sites that have been catalogued, monitored and can be found easily on Google and other search engines.Deep Web Iceburg

Our internet only makes up a small fracture of what is really out there. Imagine an iceberg. There is the tip of it that can be seen above water. That would be the surface web but if you look underneath, you would see a huge chunk of ice, bigger than the tip. This, dear readers is what is called The Dark Web, Deep Web or even the Dank Web.This is a place where sites are not monitored and are anonymous. It is here where the darkest, scariest, immoral and outright disturbed people reside. You thought that you saw crazy on the surface web? Hate to break it to you, but that would be further from the truth.

 

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Try your luck I guess.

 

Now let me be honest here and say that I have NOT been to the dark web as of yet. If you don’t have the proper browser (you would need a TOR browser) and don’t know what you are doing, you open yourself to forcefully downloaded viruses and depending on what you do there, get easily and maliciously harassed since hackers there can find all your personal information and threaten you with your life if need be. Perhaps I will venture there one day but for now, Any information I’ve collected has been through research and watching YouTube videos of others exploring.

I, unfortunately, have seen many horrendous things on these sites. It baffles me how so may people can be so strange or sadistic. Then again, our population is in the billions, so some of us are bound to be more messed up than others.

 

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Oh, you know you were thinking it!

 

The sites I’m about to show you are some of the tamest ones I could find. This was done because I don’t want to offend or make anyone ill afterwards but these sites are still pretty messed up, so this should tell you how disgusting the other ones are if these are considered “tame”.

 

#Pink Meth

Pink Meth 2

Have you ever been in a relationship but after a while you realise that you’ve made a terrible mistake? Naturally, you’ll just break up and move on with your life, right? Well, have you thought about the fact that your ex may not be on the same page as you? Maybe he would want to extract revenge for you breaking his widdle heart by making your life a living hell? Unfortunately, there are places in the dark web where he can do just that.

 

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I’ll show YOU beeyotch!

 

Pink Meth is a site on the deep, dark web where someone (*cough* hackers *cough) can , through your IP address, extract as much personal information as possible. This includes name, address, phone numbers, family members, etc. and even remotely turn on your webcam to get compromising photos of you. If you sent your former flame any private pics, rest assured that they will end up on the site as well. Once up, it stays that way until you or a family member pays a “fee”. Only upon receipt of payment will your profile be removed. If you don’t pay, your name stays on the site for anyone to peruse and do who knows what with the information. Is it f***ed up? Oh, yeah. Does it always happen? You better believe it does.

Pink Meth

The “Revenge Porn” site was created by a man (duh) who goes by the pseudonym Olauda Equiano and he was sued by a victim for $1,000,000 due to mental anguish she experienced from having nude photos of her leaked for all to see. Good for her!

#4 Dox Bin

Dox Bin 2

Since we’re talking about leaked private information that can hurt a lot of innocent people, let’s talk about Dox Bin. It’s a document sharing and publishing website that invites users to contribute the personal information for anyone they wish. Considered as almost a telephone book for stalkers, Dox Bin can have everything from social security numbers, addresses, names of your family members, your height and weight, even your usernames and passwords for your social media accounts! Anyone can add more information at any time and there is a rumor that if you enter the site yourself, there is a program that will absorb any information you may have on your computer, including credit card information.

 

Dox Bin

How did they find out about that CD I stole in ’93?!

 

The site was seized in November of 2014  but was quickly reopened one week later. Currently, the site has been shut down since May 24,2015 but I wouldn’t be surprised if it returned any time in the near future, or if it’s up now under a different name. Only time will tell.

#3 Church of Euthanasia

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Are you feeling a bit down or outright hopeless? Have you sought help from your church and they did nothing? Do you wish that there existed a church that would better serve your needs? Well, this may be the church for you!

 

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Thank God I never drank the Kool-Aid.

 

The Church of Euthanasia. Yes, this exists.

 

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Classy.

 

Some of you may be thinking that this was a typo on my part. That a church would never condone something this terrible. Euthanasia means to kill yourself or others. When you take your elderly dog to the vet to “put him to sleep”, that is called euthanasia. So yeah, this is a church that encourages suicide and as I’m typing this, I can already hear the chorus of “WHY”???

The Church of Euthanasia was founded in Boston, Massachusetts in 1992 by Reverend Chris Korda and pastor Kim (Robert Kimberk). Its a non-profit “educational” foundation devoted to restoring “balance” between humans and the remaining species of Earth.

 

sad  guy in front of computer

Way to harsh the vibe ‘bro.

 

It’s most popular slogan is “Save the planet. Kill yourself”. These are people that are actively encouraging others to sacrifice themselves through suicide. Other little nuggets of wisdom include “Six billion people can’t be wrong”and my personal favorite , “Eat a queer fetus for Jesus”.

CoE 3

WHAT…THE…ACTUAL…F***?!

The church’s reasoning is that humanity is killing the planet by using up all of nature’s resources and the only way we can save the earth is by killing ourselves to reduce the population which in turn allows the planet to “heal”. I’m all for saving the Earth and everything, but this is pretty extreme. to their credit, the church strongly insists that all suicides are “voluntary”. Well, when you phrase it like that………

 

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Well, if its on the internet, it HAS to be true

 

There was even a time when the church posted instructions on how to commit suicide using helium and asphyxiation but had to remove it after a 52-year-old woman killed herself by following the instructions. I guess the church didn’t think ahead and realize that most people know how to read.

What I don’t understand is how anyone could preach to us about killing yourself to save the earth. I mean if they believe so strongly in this, why are they still alive? Why haven’t they sacrificed themselves in the name of their church?

Just sayin’.

#2 Cannibal Cafe

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Now we’re heading into some sick territory here. Cannibal Cafe is exactly what it sounds like. it’s a site that fellow people eaters can message each other and also put up ads requesting either a victim who wants to be eaten or vice versa.

There is also a section where for the right price, you can purchase “cattle”. No, this isn’t buying a cow, these are page after page with pictures of real women who after being “trained” to be submissive, are sold to disgusting creepers to use as human sex toys and/or be slaughtered for their meat. There are applications you need to sign and it asks such questions such as what sexual positions can she do and whether you’re applying voluntarily or not. So, you can become cattle on your own but if you don’t and someone hates you, that person can sign the application themselves. Sounds shady to me.

 

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Yummy!

 

You might remember this site because of the famous Armin Miewes case where, searching on the site, he found a willing victim who desired to be consumed. They met each other a few weeks later and there are videos showing the horror. Like when the victim requested Armin to bite off his penis. When Armin was unsuccessful in doing so, he proceeded to cut said penis, then he tried to cook it so they could both eat it together. It didn’t cook properly, so Armin fed it to his dog. The victim swallowed a bottle of  sleeping pills then sat in the bathtub as he bled out. Armin sat in the next room reading Star Trek books and checking in periodically until the victim finally died. The video also shows the aftermath in the room where a the victim’s decapitated body hung on some hooks from the ceiling as Armin proceeded to skin and remove all the meat on the victim. When Armin was finished, he packaged everything and on certain occasions, would make dinner and consumed part of the human meat.

 

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Still a better love story than “Twilight”.

 

I will happily say that this sicko was caught and will likely spend the rest of his life in prison

I mean……really?……..EEEEWWWW!!!

#1 Daisy’s Destruction

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I’m having a really hard time writing this because the victims were just so young. The youngest was 18 months!

This demon named Peter Scully (51), decided to go to the Philippines, where he also met a pair of young girls who were as twisted as he was.

 

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FUCK HIM! no, I’m not censoring myself because, FUCK HIM!

 

The girls would call unsuspecting children over by offering them food. When the child was close enough, they would kidnap him/her and deliver to Scully where he would begin to torture with whipping, raping and cutting. He would also force each child to dig their own graves and he told them that would be their final resting place when he was done with them. This would go on until the adults became either bored, or the children died. Scully recorded hours of this sickness and actually sold them through an underground porn site called “No Limits Fun”. It is here where there is another video that he made called “Dafu Love”, which is considered to be even more depraved than “Daisy’s Destruction” and there have been reports from people who said that after watching that particular video, they needed to seek profession help. I won’t even describe here what is in that video because its that horrifying. If you’re that curious, look it up yourself. I wouldn’t recommend it though.

Now you may be asking yourself why am I writing about this filth when the other pages are very tame by comparison? Because this demonic a**hole was caught and was charged with kidnapping, rape, torture, and murder. His girlfriends are doing time as well. Fortunately, two girls survived, one of them being Daisy herself. But the third girl, said to be twelve years old, did not survive and her bones were found buried beneath the floor of Scully’s kitchen.

 

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May he always drop the soap. Amen.

 

What else is there to say? There are billions of humans on this planet so some are bound to be depraved and sadistic. It’s all overwhelming to think about what lies in the unknown or all the horrendous crimes that have occurred that we don’t know about because the criminals have gotten away with them.

I hope you liked this article. If you want me to write more on this topic, let me know. I intend to delve into the deep web myself and I’d like to share my adventures with you. Give it a “like” and please share so I can keep motivated to do more.

Thanks for reading fellow Insomniacs, I’ll be back soon. In the meantime, I’m sharing this adorable video of puppies and babies playing together so you can feel better after what we just read through! 

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5 Urban Legends That Happen To Be True

Do you remember as a kid being told outlandish stories about the Boogeyman or how you shouldn’t be on the street alone at night because you could get kidnapped by a demented circus clown who will sell you to street vendors who will dress you up like a monkey and make you do tricks?

Oh, only me? Okay then.

Anyway, these are called Urban Legends. If you want to know the exact definition, I’ve been gracious enough to do the Google search for you and as always, I provide links to back up my stories (just click on the highlighted words in each section).You’re welcome.

I would hate for you to strain your fingers.

I would hate for you to strain your fingers.

But these stories are all bullshit, right? Our sadistic parents and mean-spirited friends made these stories up to scare us. There is no way any of this can actually happen after all.

You poor, stupid, simple-minded little child. Many of these “myths” can, and do, happen quite a bit. Sorry to wreck your rainbow and unicorn visions you had for humanity. Allow me to be the bearer of bad news. Life sucks, Deal with it.

#1 The High Cannibal

Legend: Taking PCP can turn you into a cannibal

The Truth?: Horrifically….yes.

In 2002, Anton Singleton, a rapper who goes by the name “Big Lurch”, was found wandering the streets of LA in the middle of the night naked, covered in blood and howling at the moon after a week long PCP binge.

I wish I was making this up.

Are you sure its drug related & not just an ancient curse?

Are you sure its drug related & not just an ancient curse?

When the cops checked out his apartment, they found the remains of his dead roommate with her lungs ripped out of her torso and covered in bite marks. An examination of Mr. Singleton’s stomach contents revealed they were full of human flesh.

Was that skull he's holding foreshadowing?

Was that skull he’s holding foreshadowing?

Yyyyyyeah….

Kids, don’t do drugs or you just may end up with a bellyful of your best buddy.

Unless this is what you want inside of you.

Unless this is what you want inside of you.

#2 The exploding Collar

Legend: There are real criminals that like to do things a’la Jigsaw Killer from the “SAW” franchise.

The Truth? Of course it is.Brian_Douglas_Wells

In late August of 2003, pizza delivery man Brian Wells wound up making a delivery that took him down a winding, deserted dirt road that led to a lone TV tower. No one knows exactly what transpired once he got there, but we do know that an hour later, this poor bastard walked into a bank with a metal contraption around his neck, a shotgun shaped like a walking cane in one hand and a note demanding a quarter million dollars in cash in the other. Brian was quickly apprehended by police who then noticed the ticking collar but inexplicably did not call a bomb squad for a half hour.

Although in hindsight, perhaps they refused to come until AFTER their donut/taco run.

Although in hindsight, perhaps they refused to come until AFTER their donut/taco run.

Unfortunately, by the time the bomb squad did show up, the collar exploded, leaving a “postcard size” hole in Wells’ chest. A list of tasks was found on his body that needed to be completed within a set amount of time before the collar would be removed. Sadly, the cops later discovered that even if everything had gone according to plan, there was no possible way Wells would have been able to get it all done before detonation. So Brian Wells was, effectively, screwed from the moment he made that fateful delivery.

That poor son of a bitch.

That poor son of a bitch.

Police believe that they have caught most of the criminals responsible although they strongly feel that there is at least one more asshole unaccounted for.

#3 Elevator Of Deathdownload (9)

Legend: Elevator doors can close on a victim and proceed to sever heads and/or limbs as it moves. You may recognize this as appearing on several horror movies.

The Truth?: It can totally happen.

On August 16, 2003, Dr. Hitoshi Nikaidoh entered an elevator when he became pinned by the shoulders in the door. Because of an out-of-place wire inspectors believe was responsible, instead of the safety activating, the elevator began its ascent, slicing his head at mouth level leaving only his left ear and lower jaw still attached to the body.

Suddenly, the stairs look like a more reasonable way to get anywhere.

Suddenly, the stairs look like a more reasonable way to go.

Who I REALLY feel bad for though is the poor nurse who was already in the elevator when not only did she witness this terror, but was then stuck with a decapitated head in front of her FOR AN HOUR!

While we're waiting, do you wanna play some charades or something?

While we’re waiting, do you wanna play some charades or something?

#4 The Severed Head Lives

Legend: Your head can remain aware for a bit after decapitation and can blink as well as respond to stimuli.

The Truth?: Unfortunately, for the good doctor in the last entry, it seems totally possible.

Wazzup?

Wazzup?

Since punishment by decapitation began, many have thought that the human head could stay alive for up to a few minutes without a body. Meaning, theoretically, that some victims were aware of what happened and thus knew what their fate was.

Bro? Bro? Hey bro, before we get to the head chopping, can I scratch my nose real quick? Wait, where's my finger?

Bro? Bro? Hey, bro, before we get to the head chopping, can I scratch my nose real quick? Wait, where’s my finger?

This is so thoroughly fucked up!

There is one story told by a Dr. Beaurieux who claimed that after the decapitation of a murderer named Languille, the criminal’s eyes continued to blink and his mouth move for several seconds. As his eyes began to close, the doctor shouted Languille’s name causing his eyes to open and fix themselves on to Beaurieux’s eyes. The process was repeated up to thirty seconds.

What the hell makes you think I want to talk to YOU asshole?!

What the hell makes you think I want to talk to YOU asshole?!

A more modern tale takes place in Korea in 1989 when a U.S Army veteran riding in a cab with a friend, was hit by a truck. The Vet became pinned in the wreckage, but his buddy suffered a worse fate when he was decapitated. In the Vet’s own words:

My friend’s head came to rest face up, and (from my angle) upside down. As I watched, his mouth opened and closed no less than two times. The facial expressions he displayed were first of shock or confusion, followed by terror or grief. I cannot exaggerate and say that he was looking all around, but he did display ocular movement in that his eyes moved from me, to his body, and back to me. He had direct contact with me when his eyes took on a hazy, absent expression…..and he was dead.

So to re-cap, his friend evidently looked at his headless body, knew what was coming next, and tried to talk to his pal who could do nothing except look at his disembodied head in horror until literally the very end!

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, That is so THOROUGHLY fucked up!!!

#5 Being Buried Alivedownload (10)

Legend: Person gets buried immediately after death. Some time later, when the coffin is exhumed and inspected, there are scratch marks on the inner lid and other evidence pointing to said person having been alive and tried to escape before succumbing to suffocation.

The Truth?: I cried when I discovered that this is very much true and still happens today! Bar none, my deepest fear that has given me nightmares.

Not only did it happen, but it happened with alarming regularity back in the day with stories going as far back as the 19th century. This naturally panicked a lot of folks and led wealthy people to purchase “safety coffins” which allowed you to raise a flag or ring a bell to alert someone that you are very much still alive underground. When embalming became more commonplace in the early 20th century, these coffins fell out of style but even in our modern days, being buried alive still happens and there are even stories of people who wake up during their own autopsy!

Fffuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk

Fffuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk

In 1993, a 24-year-old South African man named Sipho William Mdletshe and his fiance were in a horrendous car crash. The fiance survived, but his injuries were so severe that first responders declared him dead and was taken to the Johannesburg mortuary where he was placed in a metal box for burial. So, if you’ve been paying any attention, you now know that Sipho was not in the afterlife, simply unconscious from the accident. He spent two days and nights in the metal coffin until he finally woke up in a daze and proceeded to call for help. Luckily, two morgue workers were there to hear the screams and they promptly took him out of the box. Joy was had by all as his grieving fiance held him in her arms swearing she would never let go of him again.

No, wait, that’s not what happened at all. When he went home to his fiance, instead of a happy reunion, he was booted out the house by her because she was convinced he was a zombie.

Oh honey, I don't look THAT bad. Now c'mon & give your man a kiss!

Oh honey, I don’t look THAT bad. Now c’mon & give your man a kiss!

So in conclusion….

  • Don’t do drugs or you’ll end up with a bad case of “buddy squirts”.
  • Always take the stairs. Even if you work on the 99th floor unless you don’t actually use your head in which case, nothing lost, right?
  • Cops evidently don’t get paid overtime for extra duties like “saving your stupid life” or “noticing ticking bombs on your body”. Who’s got time for that shit?
  • Start learning how to hold and maintain your breath for a few hours straight. That way, if you ever do get buried alive, you can prolong the inevitable long enough to beat yourself up for not paying extra for that “good” doctor instead of  going with Dr. Nick.
  • And finally, your ass really could be the last thing that goes through your mind if you aim your head right and account for wind velocity.

PLEASANT DREAMS FELLOW INSOMNIACS!

10 Ridiculously Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

*Since this is October, I will devote the next few articles this month around the spooky, eerie, or just plain messed up things that the next few weeks will bring us. I hope you enjoy my posts as I will be delving into the dark recesses of the Internets to bring you the best of this beloved holiday*ghost

Halloween is that magical time of year when everyone can pretend to be someone else for one night. It’s mostly associated with kids, but adults also like to get in on the fun. Why shouldn’t they? You can be anyone you want to be: A celebrity, monsters, hell, even household items, it doesn’t matter what you are because you won’t be judged by your peers. They’re doing the same thing. It’s all in good fun and you get to act like a kid again (albeit one that can legally get wasted). Unfortunately, the options are so endless that some decide they want to dress in something really memorable but instead of cute and creative, their imaginations tend to show how sociopathic and misguided they truly are. This article only shows ten of these “costumes” but its only the tip of the iceberg. How these Trick-or-Treaters thought they were clever is beyond my comprehension, so I’ll just show you.

Human Toiletslide_253896_1585665_free

Just look at these guys. LOOK AT THEM! I have so many questions as I look at this costume. Who came up with this idea? Why did these two morons agree that said idea was actually good? How did they decide who would be the freaking TOILET? And why, WHY did that one guy decide to be completely naked instead of just pants down? The logistics alone baffle me. Dos Toilet Man have to sit in that uncomfortable position all night with his NAKED bro sitting on his lap? I just hope that no kids saw this insanity but secretly I also hope that Toilet Man passed out and some little kid decided to go potty on him. I also have a feeling that these two probably thought it was funny to hand out Tootsie Rolls to the little ones. Bastards.

Used Maxi-Padth

EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! What the HELL man?! This is not cute, clever, or remotely funny. There’s a reason why you’re standing in that corner all alone. Who would want to stand next to a used menstrual pad? I know it’s a natural thing that happens to all us women, but do you think we want to be reminded that we’re gonna be dealing with PMS soon every time we look in your direction? Its natural for us, but we still don’t need to see it dumbass. What’s most disturbing is the look on his face. There is blood around the mouth area and I could only think of one way that could have happened. He seems pleased, though, so ladies if that’s what you’re into, look him up because I’m pretty sure he’s single.

Ray Rice & Janay Palmerray-rice-janay-palmer-awful-halloween-costumes

In case you didn’t know, Ray Rice is an American Football player who was arrested for third-degree aggravated assault after he punched his then-fiancee (now wife) Janay Palmer. So when you look at this picture, it is pretty obvious what is so screwed up about this couple’s costume choice. I mean, look at them. They both have mile-wide smiles as she is sporting a nasty black eye. Also, they’re in blackface but what’s disturbing is how they’re happily promoting domestic violence. Any sane human being would understand how wrong this is. This couple obviously doesn’t know what “wrong” means.

Whitney Houstonwhitney-houston

Where do I even begin? I, for one, am a Whitney Houston fan as many of us are. Instead of dressing up like her in one of her iconic outfits, this woman decided to take it past the appropriate line and dress up as Whitney when she was found dead in the bathtub of her hotel room from an apparent drug overdose. As you can see, she is laying back in the tub, wearing blackface (stop with the blackface white people. I know black people are cool, but enough is enough). I’m not sure what or who is on the picture she is holding, but I am most interested in the microphone. Did she think Whitney always used one at bath time to sing her greatest hits? Never mind. Don’t answer that.

Zombie Joan Riverszombie-joan-rivers

Joan Rivers was a trailblazing comedienne, known for her quick wit, not having a filter and hilariously criticizing celebrities outfits on “Fashion Police”. Sadly she passed away suddenly in 2014 after suffering complications from an alleged botched surgery. What’s even worse is how someone thought that dressing up as a “Zombified” Joan Rivers sounded like a great party starter. Yeah, that wasn’t cool man. Too soon….just…too damn soon.

Quadraplegic Supermanslide_253896_1587498_free

In keeping with the spirit of simple minded morons who never learned respect or common decency, look at this winner right here. Obviously, he is dressed as Superman just like the other 10,000 other people who had no imaginations that year, but this guy is special. He wasn’t going to just dress up as the famed superhero, but the quadriplegic version. Why is Superman in a wheelchair you ask? Well for those who don’t know, an actor named Christopher Reeve had become paralyzed after a devastating horse riding accident. Why is this important? Because Chris Reeve was the actor who played Superman in several films in the ’80s. So this asshole is supposed to be the paralyzed Reeve still wearing the costume he was best known for. That, my friends, is what you can call class. Classy Dumbass!!

Sheep Loverslide_253896_1585683_free

I’ve stared at this picture for far longer than anyone should have and I still can’t even begin to describe what could have been going through this man’s feeble little mind.Of all the things he could have been for Halloween, he chose to be a sheep f***er. Sir, you could have been one of a thousand different superheroes, you could’ve been a doctor or a supervillain. Hell, you could have been JUST a sheep. yet, you chose to spend your evening with your pants down and pretending you were pleasuring a farm animal whom you no doubt named “Baaaaaarbra” or something equally stupid. Good job.

Twin Towersth (8)

Does anyone remember what happened on September 11, 2001? If you do not, then welcome to the surface mole dweller! Even folks who live in a tiny Tuscan Village know what happened that day but in simple terms: One crazy asshat ordered a bunch of stupid asshats to hijack some airplanes full of innocent travelers and crash into The Twin Towers in New York City killing almost 3,000 people to prove some asinine asshat point. Besides the doomed passengers, many more people were also affected when they lost loved ones, were injured, many seriously, and even to this day many rescuers either suffer from PTSD or have died from illnesses connected to this catastrophe. Sounds pretty awful doesn’t it? Well, naturally, some fucktards decided it would be a good time had by all if they dressed up as the Towers complete with a little airplane crashing into the side. Get it? Like how it happened in real life? That’s some funny shit right? I’m sure these two thought that no one else would top their stupidity.

Suicide Bombersuicide-bomber

Well, crap.

Really? REALLY?? What the hell was going through this drunken twat’s mind? If you read the entry above you already know why this is a deeply fucked up idea. And what’s up with the Easter basket he’s holding? What’s in there? Is that where he keeps hand grenades painted to look like Easter eggs in case his well-hidden chest bomb is detected? You know, I can’t even finish this entry because, as terrible a person as this will make me seem, I’m really hoping that the Drunk Bomber crashed into the above Twin Twats. It would be fitting.

The Human Centipedeslide_253896_1585671_free

*Heavy sigh* “AAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!

The Human Centipede is an actual movie that actually exists because apparently maximum security insane asylums allow their patients to write shitty movie scripts as therapy. I can proudly say that I have never seen this movie and can confidently say that I never intend to. The pride waned a bit though when I had to research this costume and came to the realization of what was going on in that picture. If you’ve never heard of this movie, then let me first congratulate you on making great life choices and now allow me to ruin your innocence forever. Oh, I’m not going to TELL you about it. If you’re crazy enough to want to know, you can watch the trailer here.

Now look at the picture again and see if you’re demented enough to figure out what’s going on there. I’ll wait…..

The acidy taste in the back of your mouth and churning stomach is a perfectly normal response for sane people. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT drink chocolate milk. Sorry. If it helps, my life will be forever altered for the worse, so there’s that.

In closing, I beg of you, please think long and hard about this year’s costume choices for yourself. Think about the psychological damage you can cause others and just go to the party as a ghost or something. Thanks.

The Obsession With Hugh Laurie

images (25)Did I say obsessed? I meant infatuated. No, no….actually both.

But I digress.

Beginning in 2004 (In America anyway), the world was introduced to a cruel, rude, Vicodin-addicted sociopath doctor (so basically, Florida healthcare) who treated his patients like crap and his colleagues even worse. Yet, we Yanks, as well as the rest of the world wanted to know about the handsome, seemingly charming actor who we were kind of sure may have been Stuart Little’s dad.

He was, FYI.

He was, FYI.

He also stole puppies, which left me very conflicted.

He also stole puppies, which left me very conflicted.

The very first time I laid eyes on him was, like many of us, when he appeared in that episode of “Friends”, where he is the passenger sitting next to Rachel that tells her how moronic she is for trying to stop Ross’s wedding.

I would have dumped Ross for you in a nanosecond. Just sayin'.

I would have dumped Ross for you in a nanosecond. Just sayin’.

I was not yet an adult, but I knew what I liked even then and him? Yes, I liked A LOT. Many of you will no doubt agree with me. I wondered then if I would ever see him again, which happily, I did, but a girl would have to wonder: Do I only like him as an actor or would there be other things about him I would love a prospective mate to be (apologies to my husband here, I love you)? There would be and I would like to share some things with you so that I’m not the only girl who goes gaga at the sight of him (I know I’m not, but still).

Small caveat: I would have loved to write a much longer and informative article with many more pictures and videos than I’ve posted, but the site I use currently does not allow me to go as fangirl as I would like to. So please, keep this in mind if it seems that I’ve forgotten something or tragically left something out. More than likely, I did not mean it, I just don’t have the funds to upgrade my site at this moment. So with that in mind here is why I think so many of us are obsessed with this sexy, sexy Brit.

The Man Can Act

This seems to be an obvious statement since that is what he is primarily known for, but he didn’t just dip his toe into one specific acting method. He dived head first into anything and everything he felt like doing. Except porn. He’s much too classy and respectable for that and if he ever had, you’d better believe I’d have a videotape stashed behind a wall in my attic (I have kids after all).

Still crossing my fingers though.

Still crossing my fingers though.

He began his acting career in theater, as good actors are wont to do, where he worked with Emma Thompson and where he met his future comedy partner, Stephen Fry. They mainly did comedy sketches and Hugh was also at one point the president of the Cambridge Footlights.

Did that sound too Wikipedia-ish? Nah.

Did that sound too Wikipedia-ish? Nah.

He started doing his sketches with Fry around 1980 and immediately became loved for his comedic stylings and great timing. The man was hilarious, is what I’m saying.

Classic

Classic

Eventually, he tried his hand in dramatic roles and showed just how talented he truly is. He writes a lot of his own material, has been in a few music videos, has done voice work and also directs, evidently because the first thing he asks himself every morning when he looks in the mirror is “how can I out awesome myself today?”.

You know he's never going to stop nailing it right?

You know he’s never going to stop nailing it right?

Believe it or not, he can sing too (because of course he can)images (20)

Every single female out there dreams about having a beautiful man with an incredible voice serenade her or at least sing that way around the house. Do you like Blues music sung in a smooth, dulcet tone with a hint of raspiness and a lot of attitude? You don’t? Really? Hate to tell you but you landed on the wrong blog post my friend.

Let me clarify.

You’re welcome. Oh, ladies, please refrain from throwing your panties until after this post. Thanks.

His primary genre is Blues, but he is also known for his comedic songs, which I highly appreciate because I am a goofy girl who finds everything funny, loves laughing and respect sarcasm, cleverness and insanity.

So profound. This song speaks to me.

Whatever music he decides to play, be it Blues, comedy or Psychobilly Punk Dubstep (I wept typing that because I think the way things are going, this will be a thing someday) it won’t matter because you, Hugh Laurie, will ALWAYS  be on my playlist.

ALWAYS!

ALWAYS!

The rest of him is impeccable as well

He’s an incredible husband, a loving father, humanitarian and all around world dominating hero……

Wait, I got away from myself for a moment there, I’m sorry. As a token of my sincerest apologies, I will put up the best “House” image I could possibly find. Plus, I feel like if I don’t, it may incite a riot.

I never said it wouldn't be a mind blowingly funny one!

I never said it wouldn’t be a mind-blowingly funny one!

Again, I would post more but alas, virtual space temporarily eludes me although you should see where my pictures are stored. On the other hand, don’t because if anything were to ever happen to him I could easily be accused of stalking him based just on my Google searches. Until we meet again, fellow Insomniacs, thanks for making it this far with me!

And on that note….

It was a matter of time.

It was a matter of time really.

5 Strange Items Sold On Ebay

Do you have so much money that spending it has become a bit of a chore? No? Me neither. Yet, there are some people out there that seem to be addicted to buying useless crap (damn one percenters), and where do you go to blow your cash? No, not Craigslist, although there is a different kind of “blow” they will gleefully sell you. I’m talking about Ebay.

Fucking Ebay

Fucking Ebay

I will admit that I’ve purchased some items from them myself, but at least what I bought has a purpose.

Don't you DARE judge me!

Don’t you DARE judge me!

Other people, however, LOVES ‘dem some crazy crap. Like what? I pretend to hear you ask me. I’ll be happy to tell you.

#5 Sticks that have “character traits” like the Spice Girls

spice girls

Yes, I said sticks. That was not a typo.

Posh is the second from the left.

Posh is the second from the left.

Now the story goes that the seller put the twigs on sale so he and his friends could have a good chuckle over it. He said he didn’t think they would sell, but he tragically underestimated the power of insane eccentrics with high-limit credit cards, because someone actually bought the sticks for about $94.00. Ninety four dollars. For STICKS! To the buyer: I hope your meds kick in soon and your padded room is double-locked.

I'm not sure how he'll get around the

I’m not sure how he’ll get around the “no sharp objects” rule.

Oh, my favorite part of the posting was the description the seller used.

“The twigs came from DeBeauvoir Square in London thus making these premium twigs and not everyday rubbish”.

Well, if you phrase it like that, I totally understand why “Crazy buyer” would want to buy these.

These are

These are “FANCY” sticks!

#4 Box of 10 Twinkies

Does everyone remember The Great Twinkie Depression back in 2012? There were riots, anger, tears, feelings of hopelessness, gun threats and that was only at MY house! It seems I wasn’t alone in this because alot of people were PISSED!

The struggle was REAL!

The struggle was REAL!

Hostess took note of this (probably after receiving death threats from fat, lonely housewives) and eventually ressurected our beloved pathway to diabetes but unfortunately not before some douchey asshats decided to make some quick cash off our cream-filled pain.

Asshats

Asshats

The box of ten Twinkies sold for $59.99 which is either impressive or a sign that humanity will cease to exist by natural selection in a few years for our stupididty. I’m kind of leaning towards the latter.

I trust you will agree with me.

I trust you will agree with me.

#3 $100 Note Toilet Paper

toilet paper2

This is exactly as ludicrous as it sounds. It’s a roll of regular toilet paper (not even 3-ply) With $100 dollar bills imprinted throughout. The page says:

Note: All Funny Toilet Papers are fully printed throughout the entire roll and fully functional.

I guess that’s good news for the idiot who paid $5.59 for it (the specificness of the .59 worries me beacuse it implies that several people bid on it). It’s funny how he’ll get to wipe his ass with money, which is pretty much what he did with his $5.59 plus shipping & handling.

Endorsed by Trump

Endorsed by Trump

#2 A Ghost In A Jar

Someone in Arkansas (because of COURSE it was) found a jar in an abandoned cemetery and is allegedly haunted by a ghost.

The owner was apparently being terrorized by said ghost and wanted it gone.

hauntedcemetary2

What the hell did he think was gonna happen?

So instead of burying it under concrete, having an exorcism or, I don’t know, RETURN IT TO THE F***ING CEMETERY YOU GOT IT FROM, he/she decided to sell it on Ebay so someone else can experience the horrors and pay for the priviledge.

ghost

BOOOOOooooo!

Buyers were warned that the seller would not be responsible for what happens to the jar’s new owner. Despite that, the damn jar sold for $55,992 dollars! The comma is where it should be. I repeat, FIFTY-FIVE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO DOLLARS! Unfortunately or intelligently, the buyer backed out of the deal either out of fear or moment of clarity, both great reasons. Let’s cross our fingers and pray for the seller’s soul because odds are good that that ghost is angry and offended for being kidnapped from his creepy tomb just to be sold like a common object, like a jar or something.

ghost-jar

Wait……

On a plus side, my favorite actor Matthew Gray Gubler loves ghosts, so maybe he can buy it from the owner with his pocket change. So to the seller, if he buys it, you can direct deposit my commission to my bank account.

Otherwise, things are gonna get real when the pottery wheel comes out.

Otherwise, things are gonna get real when the pottery wheel comes out.

#1 Britney Spear’s (alleged) Pregnancy Test

pregnancy test

Before I begin, let me get this out of my system: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! I’m okay now.

Full-disclosure, I love Britney Spears and I am a huge fan, but to want to buy and own a stick full of pee is where I draw my line in the sand. Apparently, a much bigger fan than myself decided that a used pregnancy test fished out of a garbage can is a wonderfull addition for that Britney shrine he built in the back of his closet.

male brit fan

You just KNOW it’s a grown man.

So what do you think this perverted super-fan paid for his new Precious? How about $5,001 dollars. For the price of a cheap used car, this guy bought a pregnancy test that may not even be Britney’s. Dude, it’s pee on a stick. You now own pee. PEE! It’s disgusting is what I’m saying.

britneyspears grossed out

Even she agrees you paid $5000 more than you should have.

I’ll probably revisit this subject again because there are waaaay more wierd things for sale on Ebay and more get added every day, proving how shady some folks are when they sell anything not bolted down, and how insanely stupid others are willing to buy it.

download (2)

STOP JUDGING ME!

5 Pointless Yet Addicting Games Found On The Internet

So, it’s two in the morning and there you are sitting on the sofa. In the dark. Alone and with nothing to do. You don’t want to watch T.V because all that’s on are boring infomercials and you already have the entire Sham-Wow sales pitch memorized. Plus, you still have SOME dignity. Listening to music is out of the question since you smashed your MP3 player into pieces after hearing the new Justin Bieber song for the one millionth time. You sigh to yourself, get up and plop your butt in front of your trusty computer, your only true friend. What can you do that doesn’t involve porn or work? How about playing some useless games.

Below are five websites which have no real purpose but can be entertaining and addicting as hell. I only put five here because if I wrote about every single one, my great-great grandchildren will be the ones finishing this article. Again, links are provided. So away we go.

#1 Virtual Bubblewrap

Who doesn’t remember the joy of opening a package with a fragile knick-knack inside and finding that it was wrapped in a clear sheet of plastic with little round nubs full of air? To us, as kids, bubble wrap was more fun than that expensive toy you begged your parents to buy for your birthday, then promptly tossed it in the back of your closet after two days.

It was so oddly satisfying to press each bubble and hear that small “pop”. Obviously, you can’t drag an entire roll of bubble wrap to your job, unless you work at a post office but you can still get your “pop on”.

Cleverly name Virtual Bubblewrap, evidently because being creative gave the game maker a migraine, is pretty self explanatory. The objective? Pop the bubbles using your mouse.

Yeah, I still don’t get it.

There is a timer underneath to see how long it takes you to do the entire sheet. It’s also very convenient to see how much of your life you’ll never get back.

Screenshot (10)

Totally worth it.

For those lazy kids who would simply twist the sheet to pop the bubbles faster, there is an option called “manic mode”, where each click will pop more than one bubble at a time.

There is also an Android app for when you’re on a crowded bus and want to find out how long other people will tolerate the popping sound before punching you in the face and throwing you out the back window.

#2 Adam’s Guitar

Adam’s Guitar is well, a guitar (duh). First things first, you choose one of three guitars. After you pick your new gee-tar, you move on to the next screen.

Screenshot (17)

So do I feel like Johnny Cash or Jimi Hendrix?

What’s cool about this game is that you can change the cords and have the option of either strumming the guitar with your mouse or use your keyboard. You can also record and play back the song you made so you have tangible proof that you suck at playing a guitar. You know, the one that sounds like Lenny Kravitz to you, but to your friends and family it sounds like a teenager in a bad garage band who’s having a seizure. It’s also very loud, so if your kid finds it and likes it, your house will sound like a banshee convention. It will be the bane of your life and you have me to thank.

Youre welcome.

You’re welcome.

#3 Switch Zoo

If your favorite channel is Animal Planet and “The Island of Dr. Moreau” was not just a movie but your dream utopia, then here is your new favorite game.

Switch Zoo is actually an educational game designed to teach kids about different types of animals and their habitats which they can build. It’s a great idea and now I have a new game my kids will no doubt fight over.

Cause

Cause “knowledge is power”!

There’s different games to play but the most entertaining one involves using different animal parts to create a whole new breed of…….man, bear, pig or something.

Or something.

#4 Gublerland

Gublerland is the brain child of Matthew Gray Gubler who stars on the show Criminal Minds. His character is very straight forward, very shy and not insane. MGG, however, is WAAAAAY on the other side of that spectrum but you can’t help but love the little wierdo. Go to his website and you will find that normal is apparently for losers and insanity reigns supreme.. Oh, he is also the guy who drew all those pictures on the site. I’m not sure whether to be really impressed or concerned for his mental health. Screw it, I’m impressed.

This is the main screen.

Did I inhale some weed?

What makes this site so addicting is that every single drawing is clickable and you will find yourself clicking on every single one to be routed  to other pages or seeing some drawings come to life. If you click on the teepee shaped “Immigration Office”, you go to a page where you can print and fill out an immigration certificate and take the official oath so you can become a citizen and live among all the other LSD takers who call this place home. It’s actually way easier to become a citizen here than going through the American government.

Screenshot (19)

Easier and a whole lot nicer

Also, check out the videos on the site because thy’re HILARIOUS!

#5 Existor.com

Do you have no friends? Is the term “forever alone” your life motto? Would it be great if you had someone to talk to? If so, let me introduce you to:

It's like I fell into the "uncanny valley".

It’s like I fell into the “uncanny valley”.

Their names are Evie (the girl) and Boibot. Using either your keyboard or a microphone, you can talk them and they’ll answer back. Granted, alot of the responses are, let’s say, “interesting”, but it makes for some crazy conversations. Besides, you have no friends so now is not the time to be picky about who you talk to.

Evie was the first bot on the Existor website, but recently, she’s been joined by a male bot and I must warn you that they can be pretty mean.

Even online I can't pick up a cute guy.

Even online I can’t pick up a cute guy.

It’s fun because you can be really creative and ask them the most outlandish questions then sit back and watch their reactions. Be prepared to get burned from them too.

I need to make new friends.

I need to make new friends.