Do you have so much money that spending it has become a bit of a chore? No? Me neither. Yet, there are some people out there that seem to be addicted to buying useless crap (damn one percenters), and where do you go to blow your cash? No, not Craigslist, although there is a different kind of “blow” they will gleefully sell you. I’m talking about Ebay.
I will admit that I’ve purchased some items from them myself, but at least what I bought has a purpose.
Other people, however, LOVES ‘dem some crazy crap. Like what? I pretend to hear you ask me. I’ll be happy to tell you.
#5 Sticks that have “character traits” like the Spice Girls
Yes, I said sticks. That was not a typo.
Now the story goes that the seller put the twigs on sale so he and his friends could have a good chuckle over it. He said he didn’t think they would sell, but he tragically underestimated the power of insane eccentrics with high-limit credit cards, because someone actually bought the sticks for about $94.00. Ninety four dollars. For STICKS! To the buyer: I hope your meds kick in soon and your padded room is double-locked.
Oh, my favorite part of the posting was the description the seller used.
“The twigs came from DeBeauvoir Square in London thus making these premium twigs and not everyday rubbish”.
Well, if you phrase it like that, I totally understand why “Crazy buyer” would want to buy these.
#4 Box of 10 Twinkies
Does everyone remember The Great Twinkie Depression back in 2012? There were riots, anger, tears, feelings of hopelessness, gun threats and that was only at MY house! It seems I wasn’t alone in this because alot of people were PISSED!
Hostess took note of this (probably after receiving death threats from fat, lonely housewives) and eventually ressurected our beloved pathway to diabetes but unfortunately not before some douchey asshats decided to make some quick cash off our cream-filled pain.
The box of ten Twinkies sold for $59.99 which is either impressive or a sign that humanity will cease to exist by natural selection in a few years for our stupididty. I’m kind of leaning towards the latter.
#3 $100 Note Toilet Paper
This is exactly as ludicrous as it sounds. It’s a roll of regular toilet paper (not even 3-ply) With $100 dollar bills imprinted throughout. The page says:
Note: All Funny Toilet Papers are fully printed throughout the entire roll and fully functional.
I guess that’s good news for the idiot who paid $5.59 for it (the specificness of the .59 worries me beacuse it implies that several people bid on it). It’s funny how he’ll get to wipe his ass with money, which is pretty much what he did with his $5.59 plus shipping & handling.
#2 A Ghost In A Jar
Someone in Arkansas (because of COURSE it was) found a jar in an abandoned cemetery and is allegedly haunted by a ghost.
The owner was apparently being terrorized by said ghost and wanted it gone.
So instead of burying it under concrete, having an exorcism or, I don’t know, RETURN IT TO THE F***ING CEMETERY YOU GOT IT FROM, he/she decided to sell it on Ebay so someone else can experience the horrors and pay for the priviledge.
Buyers were warned that the seller would not be responsible for what happens to the jar’s new owner. Despite that, the damn jar sold for $55,992 dollars! The comma is where it should be. I repeat, FIFTY-FIVE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO DOLLARS! Unfortunately or intelligently, the buyer backed out of the deal either out of fear or moment of clarity, both great reasons. Let’s cross our fingers and pray for the seller’s soul because odds are good that that ghost is angry and offended for being kidnapped from his creepy tomb just to be sold like a common object, like a jar or something.
On a plus side, my favorite actor Matthew Gray Gubler loves ghosts, so maybe he can buy it from the owner with his pocket change. So to the seller, if he buys it, you can direct deposit my commission to my bank account.
#1 Britney Spear’s (alleged) Pregnancy Test
Before I begin, let me get this out of my system: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! I’m okay now.
Full-disclosure, I love Britney Spears and I am a huge fan, but to want to buy and own a stick full of pee is where I draw my line in the sand. Apparently, a much bigger fan than myself decided that a used pregnancy test fished out of a garbage can is a wonderfull addition for that Britney shrine he built in the back of his closet.
So what do you think this perverted super-fan paid for his new Precious? How about $5,001 dollars. For the price of a cheap used car, this guy bought a pregnancy test that may not even be Britney’s. Dude, it’s pee on a stick. You now own pee. PEE! It’s disgusting is what I’m saying.
I’ll probably revisit this subject again because there are waaaay more wierd things for sale on Ebay and more get added every day, proving how shady some folks are when they sell anything not bolted down, and how insanely stupid others are willing to buy it.